You’ve probably imagined every aspect of your Scottish wedding day: the soft light coming through castle windows, the scent of your wedding flowers, the sound of your guests’ laughter, the warmth of a shared dram after you’ve exchanged your vows.
But there may be one element you’re finding a little harder to imagine: what vows you’ll exchange.
The rise of celebrant-led weddings and humanist ceremonies means that there’s now even more opportunity to write your own vows and really make them the centrepiece of your ceremony. (And even better news: some Scottish celebrants can also carry out a legal wedding, rather than just a symbolic ceremony.)
Writing your wedding vows is a wonderful way to make your commitment to each other the absolute foundation of your wedding ceremony. But I also appreciate that for many of my couples it can be a daunting experience. It’s relatively easy to make decisions about napkin colours and flower choices, but natural to struggle more when it comes to writing something meaningful from the heart – and that will then be said out loud in front of all your guests.
As part of my role as a Scottish wedding planner, I love helping my couples to find the language that captures the distinctive fabric of their relationship. If you’re at the stage where you’re looking to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) to start writing your wedding vows, you’re in the right place: I’m sharing tips for writing vows that will help you craft the right words, that are uniquely yours, and which express all the promises you want to make to your partner on your wedding day.
What wedding vows really are: the promise and narrative
Firstly, let’s consider what wedding vows really are, and what they aren’t.
Wedding vows are a fusion of two lovely components: a shared narrative, and a sincere pledge.
What they’re not is a performance, or an essay. They don’t need to be a speech or a monologue, nor do they need to be perfectly delivered.
Wedding vows are about acknowledging your journey as a couple: reliving your story, highlighting particular moments in your journey, and laying the foundation for the rest of your life together. They’re the deliberate pledges you want to uphold for your future.
So for something so deeply personal, there isn’t really a one-size-fits-all template. Your only guide is authenticity. Keep this at the centre and your vows will reflect the quiet reality of your relationship, rather than a performative side.
Discovering your voice: the initial step
When you start to think about writing wedding vows, it’s important to get into the proper frame of mind before you start to put down words.
Firstly, intention, not urgency, is what makes this creative process flourish, so definitely make sure you start working on them in plenty of time.
When you do sit down to start working on your vows, these are the three ways I suggest to my couples that can help get you into the right place to craft something meaningful.
Go back to your roots: Think about all the experiences that make up your love story. Flick back through photos, re-read old texts and emails, listen to the songs that remind you of your partner. Take note of the natural language you use between yourselves – this is the true voice of your vows.
Talk from the heart: Sometimes the most sincere ideas come more naturally during a conversation, or from talking out loud. Make a voice memo with your reflections on your partner and your relationship. The sentiment is the crucial starting point; you can improve the words later.
Embrace the process: Give yourself permission to write a rough, unedited first draft. Without passing judgement, write down ideas, words, memories, shared jokes – anything that comes into your mind. Once you allow yourself to write without any form of censorship, you may be amazed at what flows. My couples often find that the most important threads to weave together are frequently revealed through this act of writing freely.
A simple structure for writing your own wedding vows
This structure is my gentle suggestion for helping you to write your wedding vows. Think of it as a helpful scaffolding on which you can hang your ideas and turn your initial thoughts into a meaningful set of vows, rather than an absolute template.
1. The address: a personal opening
Start by talking directly to your partner. Consider using a pet name or term of endearment that means something to both of you.
2. The reflection: your unique story
Share a memory, or a story, that shows how close you two are and why your relationship is so important.
3. The appreciation: what you value in your partner
Get specific instead of general. What are the little things and unique traits that you love about your partner? These intimate details will make your words stand out, and paint a really vivid picture both for your partner and for your guests.
4. The promises: what you’ll do for your partner
These are the most important parts of your vow. Mix long-term promises with the smaller promises of everyday life.
5. The future: your shared horizons
Look ahead to how you imagine your relationship unfolding, and describe the life you want to build together. This is your hopeful vision, spoken aloud.
Refined tips for writing wedding vows
Use your honest voice: The language that feels most true to you is the most powerful. Your partner loves your voice, your vocabulary and your way of putting things. Use this authentic communication, rather than putting on a different type of language or speech that jars or feels false.
Don’t make them too long: Your vows aren’t a speech, and don’t need to go on for a long time. Aim to keep them under two minutes – this will allow you to be sincere and share the things you want to say without going on for too long, or having to rush to fit them in.
Practise saying them out loud: this step is essential, as saying words out loud is very different to reading them in your head. It reveals the natural rhythm of your words and builds confidence. Practise saying them at a comfortable pace, and use a timer to check they’re the right length.
Add a personal touch: Include something that only you two share, such as a favourite tradition or an inside joke. It’s a quiet, meaningful nod to your own world, and something your partner will truly cherish.
Prepare with care: Once they’re finalised, write or print them onto a strong piece of card. (Bonus points for choosing something that matches the rest of your decor and will look good in the photos.) Give a second copy to a member of your wedding party or wedding planner, in case of any emergencies. Then take a deep breath and know you’re ready.
Examples and inspiration: a guide for creating your own words
The style of your wedding vows is completely up to you. Again, opt for something that feels like a natural fit for you. Don’t force anything comedic if that’s not your natural style, but also don’t be too sentimental if that’s not how you are with your partner.
The tone of your vows can also be a beautiful reflection of your wedding style. If you’ve gone for a more traditional wedding, writing your vows in more timeless language will be a lovely match. If you’ve included more quirky, personal elements, vows that suit this style will match your overall wedding vibe.
I’ve listed some examples below of the different tones you can use, but as before, my advice is to use them as inspiration, rather than as direct templates.
Timeless and from the heart: “My love, as you are always there for me, I promise to be there for you through all of life’s ups and down. I vow to find joy in both our quiet mornings sharing a cup of tea together, and in our big adventures.”
Lighthearted and devoted: “As my favourite person, I promise to always save you the last bite, be your loyal partner in every escapade, to laugh with you, and love you with all my heart.”
Visionary and romantic: “I promise to keep exploring new horizons with you. Whether we’re watching the Northern Lights or testing out a new recipe in the kitchen, I vow that my greatest adventure will always be by your side.”
Quirky and personal: “I promise to make sure the fruit bowl is well stocked with bananas even though I don’t eat them, to always allow you to warm your cold toes on me, and to let you watch The Prince and Me without my complaining that you already know every single word.”
Final thought: the beauty lies in being real
The most important thing to keep in mind when writing wedding vows is this: the most sincere vows aren’t about how well they’re written or how beautifully you deliver them, but are rooted in the intention and sincerity of your words.
Vows are about real feelings, and the signs of a real, human connection. So iIt doesn’t matter if you stumble over the delivery, forget something and have to go back to repeat it, get a little choked up and have to say it again.
When you say these carefully chosen words on your wedding day, you’ll be adding a unique thread to the tapestry of your celebration, honouring your past and promising your future. The quiet luxury of a promise made from the heart, and the foundation of an amazing life together.
So, take a moment. Your story is waiting.
I’d love to help you plan a Scottish wedding that’s a beautiful representation of your love story. Please get in touch if you’d like to discuss my full, partial or on-the-day wedding planning services and how we could work together.